i try to stay away from it - it chased me down in the chinese restaurant. cnn was on. aig... bailing out... billions... is the gov't going to bail me out of a bad and greedy business decision? no. they won't even pay for my education. our priorities are incredibly screwed up (in my opinion) and we have absolutely no leadership or organization right now. the mass, the public, and their antics are going to cost me the quality of life that i'm busting my ass for... i feel so outside of them and yet everything they do effects my life whether i like it or not. i'm over here alone, wide-eyed in speechless amazement, mouth locked tight while they are over there greenish-yellow bodies, red faces from confusion, idiocy, endless chatter and bandwagon hopping...

okay... so, my outside perception of my inside perceptions is this:

i see things differently every time i look at them. sometimes, i see things differently before i've even developed the first sight. sometimes, i see things a lot of different ways at one time.

i think about the word, "think" and how weird it sounds. i think about thinking and then, realize that i could think myself insane. then, i stop thinking.

it's a vicious cycle

smile

and, nod, if need be...

i am running a checks and balances system on my perceptions.

i bought a basketball! a black one with neon orange stripes. it's sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. i'm a decent shot on a campground, one man goal typa game. i can't shoot fast and i can't play in a game b/c everyone can block me. i'm fast though, when i play defense... i can't block, but i'm fast for intimidating factor. when all else fails, i scream. that happened a couple of weeks ago. i was playing my favorite game with one dude. i shoot, if i miss, i let you shoot and i get it back when you miss... then some other boys came... somehow, they started a real game on my one-man court. i decided to just play defense.... the whole time.... i wasn't on a team, i just ran around and kept up with them. at one point two bigguns ended up battling it out and somehow i ended up under the goal, right where they were charging. i was trapped. i screamed like a little girl.
he missed.
i went and sat down.
and, sipped some wine.

oh, i can't play in a real game...i can't even shoot when people are watching.i'm slowly working on that "under pressure" gig. well, i do fine under pressure. it's the spotlight gig that strangles me.

Fragile Earth Exhibit

i did not take this pic, nor did a stage it - but i do love it.

lalaland - didn't take this one, either...

can't take credit, but will gladly pass it along!

plates glued to vases... so cute!
thanks to: design*sponge http://www.designspongeonline.com/2008

i choose to share this word with you, today, my friend. i know you are very busy. when you read this word, your mind will transcend to a quick, but glorious day dream. feel the love feel the love:

Word of the Day for Thursday, June 26, 2008

Cockaigne \kah-KAYN\, noun:An imaginary land of ease and luxury.

Everyone was seeking renewal, a golden century, a Cockaigne of the spirit.-- Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum

and, we, too
went tubing.
out in front
caught one
good ride
between rain showers.
not quite
the ride
that
i
long
to
catch
but, it
is still beautiful.

cursing with alcohol is fun.

oh, bloody mary!
LOL
oh, you screwdrivin' sex on the beach. you and your aftershockin' buttery nipples are causing me to lemondrop my way to parrot bay with a grey goosing type of fella

word of the day

shebeen (shuh-BEEN) noun
An unlicensed drinking establishment.

oh, wilmington

how you rip out my heart
you steal my peace and serenity
holding them captive
hostages for a plea
a plea to return to your warm salty breeze
a place of comfort
of laughter
of family
of fun
simple and beautiful
where i long to be

i've tasted it
now teasing
dangling in front of my eyes
longing for the day
yearning for its feel

oh, to sink in your character
enveloped by your sand...

omg. TURN OFF YOUR PORCH LIGHT! you are sending a moth into a fatal spiral! is this true?

WHY ARE BUGS ATTRACTED TO LIGHT?Phototaxis is an organism’s automatic movement toward or away from light. Cockroaches are negatively phototactic—turn on that kitchen light and off they scurry to their dark little holes. But many insects are positively phototactic, as evidenced by the mass bug-graves in your light fixtures. Many insects, including bees, orient themselves in relation to the sun. Certain nocturnal bugs—moths, for instance—use moonlight to navigate, flying at a certain angle to the moon’s light rays to maintain a straight trajectory. When it approaches a closer source—say, a lightbulb—a moth perceives the light as stronger in one eye than the other, causing one wing to beat faster, so the moth flies in a tightening spiral ever closer to the light. Some bugs are sensitive to ultraviolet light ref lected by flowers at night. Artificial lights which emit UV rays will also be attractive to these guys. Other bugs are drawn to the heat that incandescent bulbs produce at night (infrared radiation).

for the love
of beats
and gumby
little balls of clay
i always hated
that shit
but, not the beats
the beats
were always rockin'

frustrations...

life would have been sooooooooo much easier in freud's day - when, you had an idea, you worked through it and you published... none of this go to college for 8 yrs and spend 200,000 before we give you credit and on the way we'll ruin your young mind with all of our thoughts (that are always right and usually wrong)
i really feel like
i need to be
on
a
slow
er
pace
helping people
individually
the people
that the world
rushes by
the person
that is ignored
by modern society
the individual
that common folk
overlook
because of the unknown
the fear
the misunderstanding
or the arrogance

there goes the telephone, again.

i was just having a discussion on how sometimes we have certain ambitions or drives that could and should concern careers and how (sometimes) work and the need for money hinders us in our true talents b/c we get in a good place in our minds with all of the people we can help, ideas start flowing, words start flowing and then the phone rings.

survival voices
guide touches
instincts
cultivate culture
delicate abilities
collecting astonishing
stems and catalysts
thinking and gathering
healing and understanding
isolation
meditation
retrospection
introspection
elder and younger
root necessities
perceptions and observations
vehicles, methods and channels
flow like
chocolate syrup
on a sundae
morning
sunrises
drip
with ecstasy
they flow like
cool salty breezes
on a warm
mound of sand
they flow like
little conscious
aware and
mindful children
willful, determined
and attetive
watching
your every move
mocking
mimicking
destroying
themselves
by
what you do
considering nothing
they don't know
they have to
or even should
watching
little shadows
and,
little bugs
scurrying
to avoid the
moving shadows
all forgetting
or not noticing
getting wrapped up
in the senseless
meaningless
pointless
useless and futile
ways

disclaimer: this should have been completed. i was on to something. about to break through. then, the phone rang, a few times. i was at work. had to work. work interrupted what was happening. work interrupted what was about to happen. and, now, it's gone. lost. it's deep inside, waiting for another rainy day to resurface and cancel subsides.

answer these two questions, close your eyes, turn around in your chair 3 times, blink, then you will have your answer from madame amy.

Mac and Cheese

16 oz box of noodles

Fix noodles. Rinse. Let Cool.

4 eggs
small container sour cream
2 - 2 1/2 cups of milk

Whisk together. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Grate sharp cheddar cheese.

Put noodles in a greased pan. Add whisked mixture. Top with grated cheese. Sprinkle parmesan. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes (until cheese is melted and noodles are warm)!

mmmmmmmmmmm

Epistemology

Epistemology: noun; the area of philosophy concerned with knowledge: determining what we know and how we know it and indentifying the conditions to be met for something to count as knowledge. 1856 - coined by Scottish philospher, James F. Ferrier. from Greek, "episteme," meaning knowledge.

the fabulous life of maw

she is one amazing woman.

high school...

my lil box piece of mamaw and papaw

sunday night fever

she sensely investigates
empty color
dry film - which
comes as sculpture

see how dead gives

to scale up
demand

try full concrete metaphor
soft ink
like miasma
subject, so
never
monument
rigid
impression
neo mess
at best
would appear
original

after hard drugs
smear latex
think
sculpt
and stroke
could feel
psychedelic

observe
icon

roll stimulation

cursed
bloody
frick
frack
no good
piece
of copper
coiled
into
an oblivious
mind
mine.
screaming
at the top of my
mountains
of hurdles
driving
me to the edge
of all capacities

to be continued

it is disgusting

my rebellion

i have some sort of complex
where i hate plans
they drive me crazy
make me feel suffocated
and
claustrophobic.

i'm working on it.

from September 2007

everything for me is methodical. the extent to which i speak is almost too embarassing to describe. take my word for it.

from December 2006

why would i listen to advice on art?
what is art?
what does that make? A R T?
advice on art?
you're kidding.

the artists you so dearly revere today were ridiculed by the ADVICE of people like you.

also, from December 2006
same inspiration tool as the island gig, different time, different place.
i hope you don't have a ball sac in your back pocket.

funny (if only to me)

from October 2004
Every island fades into its surroundings.
i plead the 5th on its origin, but i must say, it still makes perfectly good sense to me! i think simon and garfunkel might get it.

old thoughts

January 2006
America should be used to this hot air. She blows it with every breath.
-thought and written in response to people's disbelief of the weather trends: 68 degrees in January

more old thoughts, resurfaced

January 2006
Spinning - in life - it feels so out of control
so out of control
But, in reality
it's perfect control.
it takes talent
it takes talent to spin
no matter the direction - it's still a perfect 360
spinning -
takes more
more balance
more than sitting, standing, walking or running
spinning IS complete control

Chinese Proverb

found on a card, given to me by Brandon on the first birthday that i celebrated with him:

Those who say

it cannot

be done

should

not

interrupt

the person

doing

it.

old writings synonymous with today's feelings... bliss

12/16/2003

sometimes when i think about you, my stomach flips as if i just drove over a hill a little too fast.

12/18/2003

i fall more in love with every breath.

01/11/2004

many times when we are kissing, i become so overwhelmed by this feeling, very loosely described as love, that i have to pull back. one cannot take that much emotion without bursting.

01/12/2004

as i turned to face him, i had to consciously slow down my heart beat and force the tears back because it saddens me that it is not humanly possible for me to ever express what i see when i look at him.

he held me as if he knew... as if he knew the force of emotion stirring in my soul. as he held firm, everything that the world had ever used to hurt me flew out of my body and out of my life. all the endured emotional tortures were past and to never again be present. and, he knew. the emotion, and release thereof, is so strong that i feel as if i need to cry. yet, i am so happy, i cannot find a tear.

i'm not pushin' 'tics, just bouncin' off the buzz

he's doing

nothing

but hurting

every

thing

he

wants to help

he's drawing

a dividing

line

that

in

MOST

cases

has

all

ready

been

erased.

moron.

one with Dora: ode to Cheerwine

i had one

out of a glass bottle

on a hot day

when i had to drive

Dora

(the Explorer

with no A/C)

and

i was lost

almost to Tennessee

it's refreshing

cherry

goodness

helped me

find my way

out of the stay

shun

and back

from where i came.

Alan Watts

"You cannot force yourself into this frame of mind any more than you can smooth disturbed water with your hand. But let's say that our starting point is that we forget what we know, or think we know. And, that we suspend judgment about practically everything, returning to what we were when we were babies - before we learned the names or the language. In such a state although we have extremely sensitive bodies and very alive senses, we have no means of making an intellectual or verbal commentary on what is going on."

Kierkegaard and i have a shared humor

he claimed that he was an author to achieve fame YET he published his works pseudonymously. nice. he thought that serious work should stand on its own, without deriving any arbitrary force from the presumed authority of its creator. he published pseudonymously while making flighty public appearances.
thank you philosophy pages.

time in a bottle... j/k

...and, i too can argue that time is a perception. and, the only reason we progress is because we start where we left off the night before we slept...

age and numbers

age and numbers
when i was 25 years old, my mother was 50 years old. she was exactly twice my age. 25 x 2 = 50. i am 26 now and she is 51. 26 x 2 = 52. when i am 50, she will be 75. she went from being twice my age to only being 1 1/2 times my age.
our idea of time is violated. numbers work, but our ideas attached to them contain fallacies.
sure, she was 25 when she had me, so you add 25 years to my age to always find her age. i'm talking about ratios here. why are ratios not a constant? why does this only occur when i become the age she was when she had me?

poem

out of earth becomes

introspective

natural reflections

hunting.

still perspectives

hurting

still hunter

tracking nature

earthly serenity

unity of entities

cleanses.

settlement needs subside

tranquility resides

simplicity purifies

comfortable silence.

Processes Revealing
Secrets.
Forms Releasing
Codes.
Answers.
Natural and Relaxed
Expressions.
Soothing Communications
Resting.

stream of consciousness turned poem

Music is manifestation
for your every sensation
to silently release
It's an ultimate relaxation
the pace has no option
but to cease

Someone else -
a stranger
understands
with No Commands
just singing to your pains
For your pains
your joys;
your everything.

With no more complications
you exhale.

Peace.
being alone
with my soul
It lets me be
anything
everything
nothing.

The music of my soul
sings
screams
whispers

Relax --------
Exhale -------
Inhale---------

The door opens and closes
it swings back and forth

RELAX!

Please
don't turn that bottle up
just---
just listen
talk to me
Be who you're supposed to be
Don't you here my cries?
my plea?
I can't close my eyes
anymore
what is all this for?
what is your life for?
Please
make some sense
just a little sense

You look really familiar
but I don't know you
I should know you
but I have no idea
You think you know me
but you know NOTHING

There's the singing
or, is it screaming?
I don't know
I can't tell

Oh please -sing
sing for my soul
sing for your soul
Just --- sing.

poem

cycles develop

developments cycle

cycling diminishes

channels replenish

overuse cheapens

extractions condition

conditions worsen

Soap Scum begs the question

Soap Scum begs the question...
mood: inquisitive Why does soap have scum?I know this is not the best way to kick off a philosophical discussion, but, what the heck? It is Friday. Seriously, think about it. Why does soap have scum? I guess the real question here is: How did we, as a civilized society, become convinced that it is absolutely necessary (to be civilized) to bathe ourselves ritually with a substance whose ingredients separately will burn a hole in anything that is not a cast iron cauldron, ingredients from the fats of animals (I know you have seen Fight Club), and when combined, ingredients that leave SCUM - the very thing we are washing off?